Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Inspiring Picture 36: Men's Rules for........

Women!

Meant to do something else today but shenanigans and actual having to work at work have caused to this to go boobies up, there are changes at The Angry Lurker from Sunday night onwards as I am now going on 12 hour shifts with Ray and will be posting as per my 4 on and 4 off roster (probably more than that due to overtime) but still reading and commenting during the off bit.....

   .........we also hope to put on a game at work!




....but then a woman did read it and answered!


An answer to the new Men’s Rules for Women bullshit that’s going around the web.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
Hey, donno if you knew… but there are two “seat covers” for different functions. When we say “put it down” we mean both. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY WERE DESIGNED FOR. Do you leave your refrigerator door open? NO. Bend your lazy little knees, reach down… and flip that shit closed.
2. Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it. 
Do you really think we implode when we realize that you don’t think about us every waking second of every eternal day? No. We just like to hear that you are every now and again. Pony up and say the words, “I’ve been thinking about you.”
3. Saturday = Sports
If you mean “saturday = day we go outside and actually play sports” awesome. If you mean you’re going to sit like a fat ass on the couch eating pork rinds all day and expect me to bring you beers… well, grow up and go outside. 
4. Crying is blackmail.
Oh really? Then so are your passive aggressive sighs. We’re just emoting, take it like a man.
5. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it.
Strange, when we just tell you what we want we’re called demanding. When we suggest subtly what we want, you can’t pull your head out of your ass long enough to realize. 
6. We don’t remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.
Do you want us to chew your food for you, too? No? So how ‘bout you put on your grown up pants and make yourself a calendar that sends you reminders? Then you can even remember your parents’ birthdays! Imagine that- doing something yourself, just to make other people happy. AMAZING. 
7. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
No. 
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
You’re right, god… it is SO hard to just listen for 5 minutes when the football game is calling your attention.
9. Check your oil! Please.
I’ve got no rebuttal here, ladies… check your fucking oil. 
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments are null and void after 7 days. 
Does this go for dalliances outside of the relationship too? Well in that case, that guy I made out with out at my bestie Tiffany’s bachelorette party is inadmissable too, right? RIGHT?!
11. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore. 
Ladies, try something like “do you like this dress, or this dress better?” Because loaded questions like this JUST MAKE US LOOK BAD.
12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 
Fair enough, but take two seconds before blathering, “I think my Thomas would like your friend Rachel, she’s smokin’ hot.” And try something more along the lines of, “Thomas and Rachel would get along really well.” Being a conscientious person is part of being an adult.
13. Let us look. It doesn’t hurt anyone to look. And for us, it’s genetic.
Well, it’s been proven that instinctually speaking women are more prone to cheating during ovulation every month, and that rates of women having a child outside of wedlock (then having their husband raise anyway it without him knowing) is shockingly high.… Does that make that ok? Or do you think you could keep your elevator eyes sequestered to your private whack-it time? 
14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Deal, and whenever possible, please don’t spend all evening watching television.
15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 
Clearly you also haven’t needed to pick up a book or listen in school, because Christopher Columbus did not find what he was looking for. Or is that why you avoid maps… because you’re somewhat illiterate? Be a man, ask another man.
16. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach for example is a fruit not a color. We have no idea what mauve is. 
Tell that to my [other] bestie Jessi, he color coordinates every outfit and corrects me when I say his scarf is white- “Omg, hunni… it’s actually eggshell.”
17. We are not mind readers and we never will be. 
But… I thought men were the supreme gender? There has to be another reason for that, then. 
18. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will believe you.
Fair enough. I got nothin’ for that one. 
19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. 
You say that now, but when we leave the house with our hair in a shitty ponytail, no makeup, flip flops, pajama bottoms and a happy feet men’s size XL tshirt, I think you’ll change your mind. 
20. You have enough clothes. 
Probably true. 
21. You have too many shoes. 
Definitely true. Unless of course we’re talking tactical boots for kicking your ass… you sassy little fuck. Who asked you anyway? 
22. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
True, you’re probably just going to lie about your past sexual history anyway. And we probably will too. 
23. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
I can’t recall ever hearing of a woman dreaming of going home and having a handbag after work. 



60 comments:

  1. I think I'll keep a judicious silence on this whole argument. You never can tell who might be lurking hereabouts.

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  2. Hilarious!
    Crying IS blackmail. My wife will admit it freely.

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  3. Heh.. nice.. brings ammo for both sides of the conversation here.. great stuff!

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  4. I said to the Hubby early on in our relationship "See these Boobies? If you want to see them regularly don't give me any grief." Twenty five years later, we're a happy couple. Bugger all the rules.

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    1. that was a boobie blackmail :)

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    2. Boobies are usually men's kryptonite!

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  5. To be fair both of you make good points. But we need to just stop this senseless arguing. Though it is true that Columbus was no where near where he wanted to be. He was aiming for India, not America.

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    Replies
    1. I tell my students that Columbus was a lucky idiot with poor math skills.

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  6. As Trey says...silencio...is what I take. :-)

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  7. Living life on the edge Fran?

    Nice knowing you mate.

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  8. No argument here... men and women do need to cut each other some slack...

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  9. i`m going to say i love this post,, and leave it at that ;)

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  10. All this gender fight makes me wanna cry...
    :'(

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  11. And the ongoing quest to understand the opposite sex continues!

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  12. AWESOME!!! Loved the first bit. Not so sure about the female answers though. I hate it when I have to admit that they have a point.

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  13. Andddddddddd there goes my eagerness to go on any dates for the next month. LOL relationships can be chaotic, especially when you're in one involving a woman :)

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    Replies
    1. But it's a pain in the ass when your in one with a bloke LOL!!!

      Cath took one look over my shoulder, read the title and said "I don't want to know" Maybe that's why I love her ;-)

      Ian

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  14. At first I was like :D

    Then I was like :|

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  15. Those were great. My wife keeps my calendar in her calendar because I'm a dumbass. :)

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  16. Comment withdrawn by author due to desire continue to walk straight!.

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  17. crying really is a blackmail!

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  18. if only all women came with these helpful hints. lol.

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  19. Ha I always like to read these so stereotyping but always makes me laugh :D Look forward seeing your game at work lol

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  20. LMAO there is always a retort, not matter which side you are on.

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  21. I wanted to close my eyes and ears and scream lalalalalalala, but saw the other one, agree with you. I have twin boys and a husband, you know nowadays I dont even feel like using the toilet anymore.
    If there are ready to deal with a constipated women, let them be my guest ( not far from that time of the month woman)

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  22. HA this was a great post!

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  23. The person that rebutted it sounds like a total nag and is most likely single. I could rebut her rebuttles but what is the point. Current society is all about the demasculation of men. This agenda is wrong. Men are men and should be allowed to be men. Apparently women are the only ones that get to live their lives as they please.

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  24. "Does this go for dalliances outside of the relationship too? Well in that case, that guy I made out with out at my bestie Tiffany’s bachelorette party is inadmissable too, right? RIGHT?!"

    WRONG. The rule applies only to the dumbass things we say, not the dumbass things we do. If I cheat on you, feel free to bring it up for as long as you like. Not a problem for me - if I want to sleep with other women, I'll dump you first, and don't have to listen to your crap any more.

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    Replies
    1. Agreed- way off base there. Big difference between looking and doing. It is very possible to see someone attractive and admire the way they look without really wanting to do anything with them- after all, if you don't do anything that means you chose not to cheat. And it isn't even close to the same as actually doing something.

      If someone equates looking with cheating then it says more about their own insecurity than the faithfulness of the person they are with.

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  25. "16. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach for example is a fruit not a color. We have no idea what mauve is."

    If you are a figure painter you DO know these colors plus "Polish Crimson."

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  26. Nice one Fran, that's all I'm saying........

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  27. Breaking into random bursts of laughter while reading this may not of been my smartest move! A very balanced post Fran, thank you!

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  28. Need to add one:
    Quit saying "Be a man" or 'take it like a man".
    What women mean when they say this is "Don't have any feelings- don't let it affect you". Yet one of the top complaints women have is that men don't express feelings, or don't know how to deal with women who express feelings. And look at the woman's response to #4 & #8. Talk about mixed messages. 'Don't let my emotional outburst affect you- listen and care about my emotions.' Women wonder why many men have difficulty with emotions? Small wonder when so many women bounce back and forth between "be sensitive" and "be a man: ie: don't show any emotion". Really women, if you're doing this realize it and fix it. This bipolar expectation of men's emotions is manipulative, it says 'i want u to feel when I want it, and want u to shut it off when I want it'. Men might not always know how to deal when women are emotional but they usually accept it when they are, they don't insist women "be a woman" and clamp the emotion off. We are both human beings: humans have emotions.

    Now the toilet seat, yes: shut the lid. I have a cat that thinks he is a dog- if the lid isn't shut he'll drink from the toilet. Close it.

    And women, when you ask "does this make my butt look big?" if the answer is 'yes' realize that is a good thing! A lot of us tend to be fine with that ;) Everytime my girlfriend says she'd like to loss weight in that area I tell her no, no I'm pretty sure she doesn't.

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  29. "check your oil please. No rebuttal."

    HAHAHA

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  30. See.. I feel less manly when some of these don't apply to me. I'll live.

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  31. behind every great man is a great woman, just look at the womans answers scary

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  32. I can see both sides of the argument (that's what Mrs K has told me to type!)

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  33. lol this has been going around everywhere love this!

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  34. I like both points of view!
    Don't know if it's really a problem of Men and Women (all of them!) but it's funny, and that's the most important!

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  35. The self-centeredness of both individuals bothers me a little.

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  36. Rebuttal 13 is a bit of an eyeopener, right enough...

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  37. Very funny stuff but they left out the bit about snoring - BOTH his and hers! Sometimes sleeping on the couch can be a mercy!

    Cheers,
    Doc (on the couch)

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  38. This is a battle that neither gender could ever win. This war will go on forever, and each side will always find a flaw on the other. I don't really see the toilet sit to be a serious problem though.

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  39. LMAO, that last one really cracked me up. The sleeping on the couch bit is only great when you accidentally doze off in the middle of the day. Never could get used to the couch at night, especially when its by compulsion!

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  40. number 16 is so true....
    As for the handbag thing she should see my wife when she knows a new handbag has been delivered

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  41. Hah, it seems like men and women are butting heads here,good job we like each other and sex or we might be nuking each other.

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  42. I just put this up on the frig...laughing my ass off, wifey wasn't amused

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  43. Very funny and very cool that you presented both sides! You're a clever man!

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  44. outch - some statements hurt ;-)

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