Saturday, 30 April 2011

2 more awards and a funny retro post.

This has been a weird week off as I have done little of note except guard ducks for the other half, no online PS3 access due to Sony allowing hackers to hack them and steal 2.2 million peoples online details, I have painted and made a lot of 20mm WW2 stuff and watched more movies than I care to remember but I have been nominated for two more Stylish Blogger Awards but I already had been so I will not fulfill all the criteria again as that would be boring but I do appreciate the nominations and I will nominate other blogs that deserve to be mentioned and hopefully get more readers and followers, that's what I do if I can and this is another opportuinity.

Also a retro post about the funniest story you will ever read from about my 10th post last year when I had very, very few followers and readers, so take your time and visit the blogs below because they will visit you if you follow and comment and take your time and read the chilli story (you won't regret it).

Now the rules of this award are to:

        1.  A 'thank you' and link back to the nominating blog.

        2.  Share seven things about yourself.

        3.  Nominate 10 or so other blogs you deem worthy of such an award (the chain-mail aspect)

        4.  Let them know of your nominating them for the award.

A big thanks to Docsmith over at and a big thanks to Donogh (fellow Irishman) over at Land War in Asia for the nominations, damn good blogs people so get over there and start reading.

Some other damn good blogs that deserve the attention:

What's next?-The Unemployed Geek

Kingsleypar's Wargaming Menagarie

Chilli Tasting Competition Story

This is a story I came across years ago and lost but found again, I hope you enjoy.


Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is! They actually have a Chilli cook-off competition about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. You will likely want to read this behind closed doors because, if you’re like me, you will be howling loud.


Notes from an inexperienced Chilli taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the West coast:

“Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Chilli cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment & I just happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the time cam. I was assured by the other two judges (both native Texans), that the Chilli wouldn’t be that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”

Here are the scorecards from the event:


JUDGE 1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE 2: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild

FRANK: Holy shit!!!, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


JUDGE 1: Smokey, with a hint of pork, slight jalapeno tang.

JUDGE 2: Exiting BBQ flavour needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children; I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


JUDGE 1: Excellent firehouse chilli! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE 2: A beanless chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA. I’ve located a Uranium spill, my nose feels like I snorted Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now; get me more beer before I ignite. The barmaid pounded me on the back: now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting’ shit-faced from all the beer.


JUDGE 1: Black bean Chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE 2: Hint of Lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to tasteit, is it possible to burn your taste buds? Sally the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills: that 300lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I’m eating. Is chilli an aphrodisiac?


JUDGE 1: Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE 2: Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers made a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted & four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pissed me off when the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


JUDGE 1: Thin yet bold vegetarian chilli. Good balance of spices & peppers.

JUDGE 2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions & garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. ,I shit myself when I farted and am worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand beside me except that slut Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my arse with a snow cone”!!!


JUDGE 1: A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE 2: Ho Hum, tastes like the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3, he appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin & I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. Screw it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll suck it through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


JUDGE 1: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli, safe for all, not too bold but not spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE 2: This final entry is a good balanced chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when judge 3 passes out, fell over & pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it, poor yank, wonder how he’d have reacted to a really hot chilli.


  1. I can hardly see the keyboard for tears... I've laughed so hard I think I may have ruptured my spleen....

  2. Hilarious, I cried imagining my own chili experiences. And then I also remember, why haven't I followed you yet? My dad and I have worked on our fair share of miniatures, currently we are working on a sizable Civil War army, He's South and I'm North. (Funny since I am from SC and he's from PA.) On top of that, our neighbor comes over to work on his Warhammer figures. Needless to say, the work table ends up interesting looking.

  3. Fran, I am weeping with laughter! That was just amazing!

  4. Haha, great story and still laughing. This actually happened to me twice. Once for a local satay contest in Leiden, Holland and once for the Dutch National Cocktail & Longdrink Championships. Long stories but on both occasions I ended up somewhat like Frank...

  5. Congrats on the awards. The story was great -- my wife, in the other room, thought I was going crazy, I was laughing so hard. Took me five full minutes to wipe away all the tears.

  6. Not surprising on the awards as your blog is quite fun!


  7. awesome, congrats and awesome! :D

  8. Oh my - my sides are sore from laughing. Great story Fran.

    Congrats on your 3 time nomination and thanks also for the nomination!!!

  9. Gratz on the prize!

    And damn you... My stomach and back of the head are killing me cause of all the laughing!

  10. After reading the chili story, I have this to say: I hope Sally gets paid well.

    Thanks for the mention, you're an officer and a gentleman.

  11. Awesome, i got thrown out of the room for laughing too loud!!! Can barely Type as unable to focus. It has been a long time since I read something that made me laugh that hard!!
    Bravo sir.

  12. i could go for some chili right now

  13. Great awards and this post is making me hungry :D

  14. Haha, thanks for the laughs! Congrats on the awards, too... well deserved!

  15. Dang! the Ps3 network is STILL down? That suck man...

  16. I've been to the rodeo a few times, but never to the chili cookoff.. not sure i want to now :x

  17. great re-post and some awesome blog recommendations. Enjoy the week off

  18. I remember the first time I read this, it must have been over 10 years ago now, it still makes me cry with laughter everytime I read it!

  19. Best chili judge ever.

    Now, if this guy had a food review section in the New York times, it would be the most popular thing ever.

  20. All those gems lost in the dark. You should definitely do this more often!

  21. Congratulations on the award, and many thanks for passing it on, I'll get an acceptance post up as soon as I can, I have to think about who to pass this to.

  22. ahahah thats amazing, so funny

  23. Verry ammusing....I don't like my food too spicey either. I wonder if Texan Chilli squares up to an Indian Phal..that is a hotter grade than Vindaloo...which is put the toilet roll in the fridge at the best of times!

  24. I need to let you know that I have nominated you for the "Stylish Blogger Award"

  25. Thank you, I will get to work on the linking.

    I think I must have been one of the readers then as I remember that story, but it is still funny the next year too. Frank the Yank deserved it for how he talked about Sally.

  26. i could go for some chilli.

  27. Congrats!! Thanks for the shout out, and awesome story, too funny!!!!

  28. LOL man, that was awesome.

  29. Congrats on the award! Very well deserved.

  30. Every other day you win another damn award! Congrats!

  31. That was a fun read. I enjoyed it a lot. Congrats on the award and thanks for mine. I haven't been online much so this was a nice surprise to find when I logged on. Thanks :-)

    Little Wiggy is taking a nappy nap and I can't stop looking at her she's just so darn cute.

  32. That story was hilarious. Though I am not Texan, I relate.

    My family is from Pakistan, and thus, we eat a lot of spicy curries.

    When non-Subcontinental people (particularly Arabs) come visit, their faces start turning red after one bite.

    This one particular Arab family invited us over after we invited them. The host said to us, "You might find our food bland. So here's something just in case..."
    And he handed us a jar of red pepper powder.
    Just like that.


  33. i lold and loved it!